To handle a grieving mother

You know whats not talked about?
Child loss.
Either while pregnant, stillborn, or during the first few years.
Its uncomfortable, emotional, & uneasy.

But its a topic that should be talked about.
While i hope & pray that no one ever has to come face to face with it, knowing how to talk to someone who is dealing with the effects of it can make a huge difference.
When you get pregnant, even if you don’t know it, your maternal instincts kick in. You feel a need to protect that bundle of cells until it grows & is born, and that never goes away.

But what happens when you never hear the first cry? Or you wake to a horror scene? Or your child passes?
The need to protect does not go away, it shifts.
You want to protect the memory of them. The memory that even if they where stillborn, they where still born.

Ask us mourning mothers what our child’s name is.
Ask us what our pregnancy was like, our labour, the precious time we did get.
We may cry, but its tears of mourning and joy that someone remembers & wants to know about our precious angels life.
Ask us how we are doing, and when we say fine ask us again.
Ask us about our future fears.
Open the door, because sometimes we feel to weak and insecure to do it ourselves.
And listen.
listen with an open heart.

When you see us fighting back our tears hug us and don’t let go till we have soaked your shirt.

Give us moments of your time to free ourselves from our pain.

– Your favorite Gemini

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4 thoughts on “To handle a grieving mother

  1. We would have called him Henry. One year ago today I found out I was pregnant on the fourth round of donor egg IVF, and at 9 weeks our baby died. No one remembers this date but me. A fifth and sixth failed round then a failed adoption, we are just trying to keep our heads above water. But no one out there remembers that. One person even said that it was good we had a miscarriage because “at least you know you can get pregnant.” WTF. There is no at least.

    Like

    1. I am sorry someone said that. A lot of the times I find that people think what they are saying is helpful, it’s not.
      We lost our son at 21 weeks, and our daughter at 27 weeks. their birthdays are 3 years and 3 days apart. They both had a very rare genetic condition.
      In between Cylar & Gypsee, we had 5 miscarriages. The pain is still the same. The same heartbreak, just at different stages.
      We have considered IVF to by pass the genetic disorder, however what you experienced is our fear.

      Thank you for sharing your story

      Liked by 1 person

Your favorite Gemini

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